Vantage Point - Jean

Sometimes, I think it would be better if someone could help Logan remember.

It's fundamentally wrong to think about sneaking into someone's mind without permission, even if you only want to help him. Just because it's wrong, that doesn't mean it isn't tempting, doesn't mean I haven't entertained the idea. I'm not perfect for God's sake, and I'm the type of person who needs to fix things.

I even went so far as to ask the Professor about it once. I knew what he would say, that we could not make Logan remember what happened.

What I didn’t expect was for him to tell me that Logan might never remember at all, and we had to accept that reality. He said that given the unusual nature of what occurred between Logan and Rogue, it was quite possible, even probable, that Logan had no memory to recover. That hadn't occurred to me at all, and it bothered me for a long time. It doesn't anymore, because the truth has since become obvious.

Even if Logan hasn't consciously remembered what happened, a part of him knows. Anyone who watches him with Rogue can see it.

And Rogue... I don't know what to make of her feelings. She was emotionally shattered during the time that Logan was in the coma, but now... She seems so centered. If it weren't for Scott telling me otherwise, I would believe that she had let go of her feelings for Logan.

I'm glad that Scott is able to help Rogue. She apparently doesn't feel comfortable talking to the rest of us. Scott never tells me exactly what she says out of respect for her privacy, but I can see in his expression how much Rogue's situation affects him. Sometimes when he comes to our room after training with her, I can see the muscles of his jaw clenching. He talks in generalities, but I always know when he's had another conversation with her about Logan.

One of the things I love about Scott is that he's an excellent listener. When prompted (and sometimes when he's not), he honestly tries to give advice untainted by his own prejudices. He doesn't always succeed, especially when the situation involves a threat to someone he cares about.

And Scott perceives Logan as a clear and present danger, but not in the way you probably think.

It started out being about me, and I'll admit that it was flattering. I love Scott -- period, end of sentence. I would never do anything to risk what we have. But I won't lie and say that I didn’t get a little heated up when Logan would give me a hooded glance as he brushed my shoulder or whispered things that made me blush exactly as he intended. I mean, really, can you blame me? I'm not blind, I have a pulse, and if ever a man was carnal lust personified, Logan was that man.

While it did wonders for my ego, Logan's flirtation with me drove Scott absolutely insane. That's the only explanation I could come up with for why he would be so reckless as to accept Logan's continual challenges to spar in the gym. Scott usually restrains his impulses with unwavering determination. He's had to be in control since long before he accepted the role of team leader. Scott's mutation would be as deadly as Rogue's without his ruby lenses and his iron-fisted will holding it back. So, the fact that jealousy over Logan's advances toward me broke the control that had become as instinctive to Scott as breathing...

That was a thousand times more flattering than the advances themselves.

Of course, I wasn't thinking how flattering it was the first night that Scott and Logan fought. I was thinking that I wanted to strangle them both for acting like a couple of hormone-driven boys instead of like rational adults.

I walked into the suite of rooms Scott and I share and heard the shower running. I smiled to myself as I dropped my shopping bag on the bed, the new negligée I'd bought discarded for a time when clothing was more apropos. I already had thoughts running through my head of joining Scott in the shower and sluicing the water off his body with my hands, my mouth, my tongue...

Sorry, I got a little distracted there. Scott looks unbelievably good soaking wet, trust me.

I had started unbuttoning my blouse when I heard the water turn off and the glass shower door slide along its track. My hands fell dispiritedly. Damn. No hot shower sex with wet Scott. I hid the negligée in my dresser drawer so I could surprise him with it later.

Scott walked out of the bathroom with a black towel knotted loosely at his hips. His hair was towel-dried but still damp. Normally, I would have jumped him on the spot, but there would be no jumping then, because he looked terrible.

Well, that's not accurate. Scott looked as appetizing as always (and I'll spare you the whipped cream anecdote) aside from the multitude of red contusions covering his torso that would soon be full-fledged bruises in a dazzling kaleidoscope of painful colors. He looked and moved like someone had beaten him within an inch of his life.

I immediately downshifted from happy lust thoughts to worried lover-slash-doctor mode. "My God, Scott! What happened?"

He looked slightly chagrined, which I didn't understand at that point. "Jean... I wasn't expecting you to be back yet."

I replied while ushering him over to sit down on the bed. "'Ro had a headache, so we decided to skip the movie and come back after we finished shopping." Kneeling in front of him, I gently examined a large purpling mark on Scott's side. I was relieved to find no evidence of broken ribs. "Why did you go on a mission without us? You know better than-"

"It wasn't a mission, Jean."

I looked up and saw that odd expression on his face again. I sat back on my heels in front of him and raised a brow. "Really? Then how did you get injured?"

Scott shrugged with what was supposed to be nonchalance. "Just training in the gym. No big deal."

Something about how he said it made everything clear. Then I got angry. "Scott, what the hell were you thinking? Fighting with Logan? Why would you-"

"Because he's pushed me too damn far, Jean!" And if I was angry, then Scott was livid. "Watching him leering at you and pawing you every chance he gets... and the worst part is he doesn't give a damn who sees it! He does it in front of the Professor, the students-"

"And you," I said quietly, reaching up to brush a lock of damp hair back off his forehead. "I didn’t realize this was bothering you so much."

Scott blew out a frustrated, self-deprecating breath. "Well, I don't like admitting that Logan pushes my buttons, but he does. And I know how immature it is, but I actually felt better after fighting him. It was a good tension release."

So I didn’t ask him not to do it again, even though I wanted to. What I did do was climb on the bed behind him to rub his shoulders and suggest more creative and pleasurable ways of releasing his tension. My clothes and Scott's towel quickly found a temporary home on the bedroom floor, and I never did get around to showing him the new negligée that night.

I decided to "let boys be boys," as it were. I didn't chide Scott for fighting with Logan after he assured me that he wasn't the only one taking damage. I didn’t even remind him that while his injuries took days, and in some cases, weeks to heal, Logan's vanished almost immediately. From Scott's perspective, that was entirely beside the point. So, I kept my mouth shut...

Until the day Scott walked into our room with a mark the size of Logan's fist purpling his cheekbone.

I yelled at Scott, then went in search of Logan. I pounded loudly on his door and entered to the growled, "What?"

Not even the sight of Logan stripped to the waist or his sudden smile took the edge off my temper. "Hey, Red. Scooter too beat up to give you a good time tonight? 'Cause I can volunteer to sub-"

His sweaty t-shirt flying up from the bed and hitting him in the face shut him up so I could talk. If I hadn't been so irate, I probably would have chuckled at the comically stunned look on his face when the shirt fell to the floor. "Damn it, Logan! I've put up with the two of you acting like five-year-olds for weeks now, but enough is enough! This is a school, Logan. Scott is a teacher in this school. He's expected to present a certain image to the students-"

"Why're you screamin' at me, then? Go bark at Scooter."

"I already did. You need to hear this, too. I won’t interfere in your little testosterone war so long as you both remember to contain yourselves. Having Scott walking around with a fist-shaped bruise on his face doesn't set a good example. Not everyone heals immediately like you do, Logan, and I won’t have the students speculating about who or what is causing Scott's injuries."

He narrowed his eyes at me in contemplation. "That's not the real problem, is it, Jeannie? I'm sure Cyke has come back from missions with worse than that little shiner I gave him. So what's really got your panties in a twist?"

I was still furious. I advanced on him without thinking first about what I was doing or saying. "Did you notice how close you came to his eyes with that punch? You were less than an inch away from putting an unfinished sunroof in the gym or having your head blown off!"

He actually had the nerve to shrug. "I have good aim."

"God damn it, Logan! You could have gotten yourself killed! How can you be so cavalier-"

He caught my upper arms in his hands and shook me slightly. I was stunned enough to stop yelling. Then he smiled and turned the full power of those bedroom eyes on me. "You're worried about me, Red? And here I thought Scooter got all your devotion. I think I'm flattered."

I stood there silently glaring at him and something clicked in my subconscious that I would take out to examine later. At that moment, I had more pressing matters facing me.

I pushed Logan's hands off my arms and backed away. "Scott does have all my devotion. This isn't about what could have happened to you, Logan. Yes, I consider you a friend, and yes, I would be devastated if you were hurt. The point is that I'm essentially worried about Scott. Do you have any idea what he would go through if he hurt you or anyone else? Even if it was an accident, do you think that he could easily live with himself after causing someone pain or worse with his power? He still talks about that day in the train station with guilt in his voice. Don't push me on this, Logan. I need you to promise that you'll be more careful."

I could see that he'd taken me seriously, but being Logan, he had to mitigate his assent with sarcasm. "If it means that much to you, Jeannie, I promise not to batter the Boy Scout's pretty face again."

I heard the sincerity behind his acerbic banter, so I thanked him and left. As I headed back down the hall, that realization I'd had in Logan's room pushed its way into my conscious thoughts, and I froze.

Logan's advances, while very flattering and highly effective, were not motivated by real desire. I had seen that in his eyes. He didn't really want me at all. He was simply following a long ingrained behavior pattern. There was nothing clumsy in his flirtation, but there was no fire either. It was almost... perfunctory.

Yes, a big blow to my pride, but also a relief. Maybe I could convince Scott to stop making himself a human punching bag if he understood.

Scott protested my assessment, said he couldn’t believe there was a man on the planet who could look at me and not want me (is it any wonder I love him?). I told him to watch for himself and he'd see that Logan wasn't actually interested in me. He looked dubious, but promised to keep an open mind. He started nuzzling my neck and said that if what I believed was true then Logan needed to have his head examined. He spent the next several hours explaining (in graphic detail and with very sensual demonstrations) exactly why a man would have to be crazy not to want me. Needless to say, my damaged vanity got an enormous boost, and I thanked God for whatever it was that I did to deserve Scott. I know how lucky I am, believe me.

I really thought that I'd succeeded in convincing Scott to my way of thinking. He stopped bristling every time he saw Logan within ten feet of me. Logan's endless flirting with me still annoyed Scott, no question, but he stopped taking it as a serious threat. I figured it wouldn’t be long before he stopped letting Logan goad him into fights.

Then something happened that changed everything. I was working in the lab when Scott came tearing into the room. I asked him what was wrong, but he truly seemed to be speechless with rage. He paced around furiously clenching and unclenching his fingers. He eventually slammed his fist down on a table, causing the instruments on it to jump into the air and land with a clatter.

I stood up and walked over to him. "Scott? What happened?"

"Logan," he snarled. Yes, Scott actually snarled when he said Logan's name.

It shocked me to see Scott like that. He'd been so much calmer about Logan that I'd let myself relax about the subject. "Did he say something to you?"

He fumed in silence before replying. "He's training Rogue."

And I realized that I had some careful maneuvering to do. I mistakenly thought I was dealing with a serious case of Wounded Male Pride and Boundary Issues. "I thought you were working with Rogue?"

"I am. Logan has taken it upon himself to teach her street brawling after my nightly sessions with her."

"I see. So, you don’t think he respects your methods and-"

"I don't 'think', Jean, I know he doesn't respect my methods, but that's not the problem. The problem is Rogue."

"I'm sorry. I don't follow you, Scott."

"She's in love with him, Jean. Not a crush, not a little infatuation, but In Love - Capital I, capital L. And he's going to break her heart. Hell, he already is breaking her heart without even trying. I was talking to her about him before he showed up for their session. Jean... It was unbelievable. One minute, she was crying on my shoulder. The next, she was bouncing around like nothing was wrong. I feel like such an idiot! All this time I thought Rogue was fine, but she's been going through hell and not telling a soul."

I felt the same guilt I heard in his voice. We'd all assumed that Rogue was fine. Maybe we were seeing what we wanted to see. We all wanted to believe that she was okay.

"Scott, honey, don't beat yourself up about it. We all thought the same thing. We couldn’t know what she was going through if she didn't tell anyone."

"I should have known. We were there when it happened, Jean. We know things that the rest of the school has no clue about, even Logan. And I've been working with her every night for weeks. How could I just stand by and not realize she needed to talk to someone?

As always, Scott took the troubles of the world on his shoulders and tried to make them his personal responsibility. He doesn't always allow me to try to lighten the burden. I hoped this was one of the times when he would. "You realize it now, and what's more important, so does Rogue. Even if you had said something to her before, she might not have been ready. She came to you, Scott. That means something. Just be there for her."

Scott hugged me tightly then. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my palms flat against his back between his shoulder blades, where he always carries the physical manifestation of his stress. I felt the tension he held there seeping away, and I silently sighed with relief. He was going to let me help this time.

He eventually pulled back and looked down into my face. He reached a hand up and caressed my cheek. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Lucky thing we'll never have to find out," I replied with a not too bright smile. I could still see the troubled expression on his face. I didn't want him to break Rogue's confidence. I respected both of them too much to even try. But this was affecting Scott, too, and I had to do what I could to help. "Is she okay? Relatively speaking, I mean."

Scott ran a hand through his hair as he answered, "I'm not sure. Now that I know what's going on, I plan to keep a closer eye on her." His gaze turned to the door as he murmured, "It's got to be killing her to spend time alone with him like this. I don't understand why she's doing it. I feel like I'm watching an accident happen in slow motion, and I can't do anything to stop it."

I caught Scott's chin in my fingers and turned his face back to me. "This is one time where you have to let things take care of themselves, Scott. Rogue is doing what she needs to do. So will Logan. Maybe it won't be a disaster."

"And if it is? If Logan leaves her or breaks her heart? What then?"

I didn’t have a good answer, so I settled for a true one. "Then we'll be there to help her pick up the pieces." And Scott didn’t like my answer any more than I did.

So, the two of them continued fighting, but at least they reduced the frequency. The two members of the Mutual Brutalization Society cut their meetings back to roughly twice a week. Logan seemed less interested in antagonizing Scott, and Scott seemed less eager to take the bait. But he did still need the release of fighting with Logan, because now, Scott perceives Logan not as a threat to us, but to Rogue.

Since Scott had taken Rogue under his wing, I decided to start paying closer attention to Logan. I knew there had to be a lot more going on under the surface than he was letting on. I didn't pry into his thoughts, but then again, I didn’t need to. He was and is projecting a whole array of confusing, conflicting emotions. The strangest thing is, he seems most at peace when he's spending time with Rogue. It's like I said before, all you have to do is watch him with her. It's obvious that she's the reason he stays here, even if he doesn't consciously remember why. The only time Logan genuinely smiles is when he's with Rogue.

I'm not sure this can go on much longer the way it has been. Scott's tension has been steadily rising, and I know it's because he's worried that Logan will hurt Rogue. I'm worried about them both. There's something building under the calm surface of friendship between them. I'm no prognosticator, but I detect a silent countdown to an explosion that can't be avoided indefinitely.

The only thing I can do is hope we're all still standing once the fallout settles.

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