Vantage Point - Scott

Sometimes, I think it would be better if someone could help Rogue forget.

I had hoped, however briefly, that Peter might be able to change things for Rogue. He's exactly the type of guy she should want: Calm, attentive, a good influence. And he doesn't come on to my girl.

Sorry. That's still a sore spot.

Logan has the unique ability to make me lose my temper. I wonder sometimes if he has an implant that lets him know the exact words to say and actions to take that will set me off - Logan's "Summers Irritation Microchip - Patent Pending" as I refer to it when I'm not so furious with him that I lose the ability to see the humor in it. Because really, despite all conjecture to the contrary, I am not so uptight that I can't appreciate the irony of the whole situation.

It took me a long time to get perspective. I was just too angry with Logan before. I still get pissed off at him more than is healthy for my blood pressure (so says my personal physician), but Logan's uncanny knack for pushing my buttons seems limitless. And he knows it. And if it were happening to someone else, I'd probably find the accuracy of Logan's barbs admirable and even amusing.

But it's not happening to someone else, and I'm far from amused.

If it was just about me, maybe I could lighten up on Logan. Maybe. But someone else is suffering a lot more than I am because of him, and I can't laugh that off like it's nothing.

Of course, I'm getting ahead of myself. In the beginning, my anger was all about me, or more specifically, about my relationship with Jean. Logan's lack of anything resembling tact or restraint went beyond irritating. It took a bullet train full speed into infuriating. He saw nothing wrong with treating my lover as the prime target for his sexual innuendoes. In front of whoever happened to be standing there at the time and with no regard for how inappropriate it was, Logan came on to Jean constantly.

As mortified as it makes me to admit it, he got me to the point where my self-control issues were tossed aside in favor of jealousy and burning rage. I trust Jean completely, so it's not like I actually believed he was a threat. I mean, come on. I know Logan has that whole animal magnetism thing going, but Jean and I have a history. We have a commitment. A few charged looks and lascivious comments can't touch that. I was never worried that Jean would leave me for Logan... Ok, maybe the thought crossed my mind once or twice... Perhaps I was a little bit worried...

Mind-numbing, control-stealing, full-scale panic probably describes it best.

As such, I wasn't exactly in my right mind the first time Logan suggested that we spar together in the gym. Self-preservation and self-control were long forgotten acquaintances whose names I vaguely remembered, so I said yes.

And boy, did my ribs hate me for that. But I did get in a few shots of my own, and not all of them landed due to mere luck or because Logan was going easy on me. Yes, I realized afterwards that he was holding back. I'm not completely deluded. If he really wanted to put me out, he could do it rather easily (assuming I fought fair, which on occasion was a questionable presumption). I've trained for years in controlled combat, but Logan is a brawler of the first order. My physical state benefited from the fact that he was more interested in having someone to fight than in actually doing real damage to me. And I could see in his eyes when I'd caught him off guard with a strike. It didn't happen very often, but it was enough for me to continue accepting his challenges. My pride had been amply wounded. Its recovery more than made up for some sore muscles and bruised flesh.

Of course, Jean was less than thrilled with the idea of Logan and me beating the crap out of each other on a nightly basis. She gave me a look that said she didn’t really understand it, she definitely didn’t like it, but she'd keep out of it. Well, she mostly kept out of it. She read me the riot act one night when Logan got a punch past my guard and hit me in the face. After that, she took off to talk with Logan. When she came back, she said something I never could have predicted in a million years.

Jean said that Logan didn’t want her.

Believe me, I had to use every ounce of my self-control not to laugh out loud. I figured that Jean had had enough of me fighting with Logan, and this was her way of getting me to put a stop to it. I wasn't sure whether I should be offended that Jean was trying to protect me or touched that she'd try such an outrageous lie to do it. She must have seen the disbelief on my face, because she began a very detailed explanation as to why she believed what she said.

I still had serious doubts, but I told Jean that I'd reserve judgement until I watched Logan the next time he made a pass at her. And since I knew after listening to her that she believed Logan didn’t want her, I showed her that I (in no uncertain terms) did. She had this slightly wounded and vulnerable look on her face. I couldn't have her thinking that she was anything less than incredible. Sore muscles, physical exhaustion, a first class caffeine headache from the gallon of coffee I drank to be alert enough to teach class at eight AM - All of it was worth it for that night and the look on Jean's face the next day.

It was the first time in a long time that I felt grateful to Logan for anything.

I did as Jean asked and closely watched Logan. As unbelievable as I'd thought it was, I started to see that Jean was right. It was almost like Logan was coming on to her out of habit. It was an enormous relief, but it also presented me with a whole new set of questions. If Logan didn't want Jean then why was he so determined to make it look like he did? Along that same line of thought, it occurred to me to wonder why he was so interested in fighting with me all the time. If Jean wasn't the motivation then what was?

Despite my new realization, Logan still got on my nerves. He interrupted my training session with Rogue one night, throwing out insults like they were plastic beads and he was on a damned Mardi Gras parade float. He was goading me on purpose and I knew it and still I reacted. It was definitely good timing that Jean came in and told me I was needed elsewhere. Once I got away from him, I cooled off enough to realize that letting Rogue witness the obvious hostility between Logan and me wasn't the best example to set for her.

After several days of trying to decipher Logan's motivations, I gave up and decided to just be grateful for small mercies. I had enough to think about without plumbing the murky depths of that particular psyche. It's a good thing I'm not a telepath, because I was practically dying of curiosity as to what Logan was thinking. But since I lack both mind reading skills and an advanced degree in psychology, I figured that "live and let live" was the best approach.

Then I had an enlightening talk with Rogue, and all my peaceable resolutions went right out the window.

She came into the gym for our evening training session. I noticed that she was distracted, but I didn't think there was any cause for concern. I pulled on the gloves I used while training with her and said, "I was thinking we should work on some Chuan style tonight, if you're up for it." Logan's dismissal of the Yang style Tai Chi we'd been doing when he walked in the other night was still bothering me. I was half hoping he'd come in and see how adept Rogue was becoming at the quick, focused strikes of the Chuan style I'd also been teaching her.

She agreed, and we began working. Her distraction increased throughout the session. She wasn't blocking with her usual accuracy, and her strikes were off target as well. I finally stood down and said, "Rogue, you're not focusing."

She didn't answer me. She didn't look like she'd even heard me. I reached out and touched her arm. "Rogue?"

Her wide, bright eyes snapped up to mine. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. "I'm... I'm sorry, Mr. Summers-"

"We're not in class, Rogue. You can call me Scott during training, remember?" I hoped that being less formal would make her comfortable enough to tell me what was wrong. I didn't want to force her, though, so I just waited to see if she volunteered anything.

It didn't look like she was going to say anything, then she suddenly blurted out, "Peter asked me to go on a date with him."

This wasn't a situation I had ever found myself in before. As a rule, I got the distinct impression that most of the students found me rather off-putting. I couldn't recall one of them ever coming to me with something personal. Jean and Hank were the ones who usually had these conversations, and I found myself wishing that one of them were in my place. But as far as I knew, Rogue hadn't opened up with anyone. It was up to me to figure out what to say. I mentally crossed my fingers that I wouldn't blow it.

On blind instinct, I figured the best approach was to keep it casual. "What did you say?"

For reasons I didn’t yet understand, that made tears swell in her eyes. "I said yes."

I took a tentative verbal step forward. "I'd say that's good except you don't look like you'd agree with me."

She looked down at her hands when she answered. "It's not... I'm... Oh God, I feel so guilty."

The way she was staring at her gloves made me think her guilt was actually anxiety over her mutation. "You shouldn't. If Peter asked you out, he did it because he wanted to. It's not like he doesn't know that he has to be careful."

She shook her head and laughed derisively. "That's not what I'm feeling guilty about, although that's something else to tag on." Like I said, I had no experience with the counseling side of things. Strike one, Summers. I decided to shut up and let her do the talking. After a few seconds, she looked up at me and softly confessed, "I... I feel like I'm using him."

Not a clue where that came from, but she wasn't talking. Obviously my turn. No assumptions this time. "Using him? How?"

For a minute, I thought she was going to drop the whole thing. A cowardly part of me was hoping that she would. Looking at her troubled expression, I suddenly got a clear picture of where this was leading. I wasn't oblivious. I had seen them together often enough, and I knew the history. The issues hit so close to home with me that I was probably the last person she should have chosen to talk to about it.

But either she didn't realize that, or her need to talk momentarily outweighed whatever prejudices she knew I had. "Isn't it wrong to agree to date one person when you... have feelings for someone else?"

There was no need for her to say his name. I looked into Rogue's eyes, and I wanted to classify it as a crush, as hero-worship and gratitude mistaken for something deeper. But no matter how much I wanted to believe that, I knew it wasn't the case. Her expression reflected surety and undeniable truth. What I saw looking out of those dark eyes was as real as anything I'd ever seen.

Rogue was in love with Logan. And it was killing her that he didn't love her back.

I thought it best to bypass the loaded subject of Logan and answer her question. "That depends on why you said yes."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you agree to go out with Peter to make... someone else jealous?"

"No. That's not even possible. Lo- ... the other person thinks we're just friends."

"Do you like Peter?"

"Yes. He's been really sweet to me. And he makes me laugh."

"Then, so long as you don't lead him to believe that you feel more than you do, I don't think you're using him. And you never know. Maybe you'll find out that you care about him more than you realize now."

"I wish I could believe that. I wish I could stop loving Logan-"

Rogue's hand flew to her mouth as if to pull back in what she'd said. Like she thought that verbally expressing her feelings gave me the right to voice an opinion on them, an opinion she knew she didn't want to hear. With tears of pain and frustration streaming down her cheeks, she stared at me with wide eyes that silently begged for something I couldn't easily define.

I had no idea what to say. I settled for telling her how I felt. "I'm sorry, Rogue. I wish that I could help."

She looked more than a little shocked that I didn't dismiss her feelings or tell her that she was wrong for having them. The legend of Scott Summers, resident tight-ass of Xavier's School for the Gifted, is known to all the students. I usually do my best to live up to that reputation. It's easier to keep tabs on students who can't believe you've ever pulled the same crazy stunts and are close enough to their age to remember.

This was one of the few times I thought it best to let a student know that I'm more than "The Fearless Leader". (Yes, I hear the jokes. That Allerdyce kid is far from subtle.) "You were expecting a lecture, right?"

She gave a small shrug. "Well..."

"Rogue, it would be very hypocritical of me to say all the things you were expecting to hear. I could say that Logan's too old for you and that you're setting yourself up to be hurt. But I didn't listen to those arguments, so I won't foist them off on you."

"People told you and Jean that you shouldn't be together?"

The "didn't they know you were destined to be?" disbelief was amusing in a way. "I asked Jean out for the first time when I was eighteen. She was twenty-five. Everyone told me that I was headed for a fall. I knew better. I looked into her eyes and knew that any fight, any risk was worth it."

"I wish I had that. I wish I had Logan to fight with me, but I'm doing this all alone. It hurts. It hurts so much to need him so badly and know that he only sees me as a friend. I could deal with anything if he needed me too. Sometimes, all I really want is for it to stop hurting. I just want to forget about him. Why can't I forget?"

She started crying in earnest then, and I gathered her into my arms. I mumbled soothing nonsense sounds and rubbed her back while she cried. I knew that she needed to let it out. It was obvious that holding it all inside her for so long was hurting her even more. I tried to comfort her while maintaining control of my anger at what had happened to her. I saw it as one of fate's cruel, twisted jokes - Logan can't remember, and she can't forget.

Eventually, she pulled back. I let her go and handed her the handkerchief I'd put in the pocket of my sweats, just in case (feel free to insert a standard issue Boy Scout joke here). She gave me a teary smile and wiped her eyes, then handed the cloth back to me. "Thanks."

"No problem." I thought some humor might help. "You can cry on me anytime." I know it was lame. I'm not a professional comedian.

She did smile a little. Her eyes caught sight of something past my shoulder and they widened. "I didn't realize it was so late. Logan will be here any second."

"Logan? What is he-"

The "he" in question strolled in and shot me a withering look. "Hey One-eye. Got any more room on your dance card, or are you through for the night?"

The insult was forgotten the second I looked at Rogue. She was smiling brilliantly, like she hadn't just been falling to pieces over the man standing across the room from us. All I could think of was the pain she was feeling and how much it had to take out of her to pretend there was nothing wrong. I wanted to blast a hole right through Logan for hurting her. Although it wasn't intentional on his part, it enraged me as much as his lewd behavior toward Jean ever had.

"What the hell are you doing here, Logan?"

He raised a brow at me. At first, I thought my tone had surprised him. Then I realized that I'd cursed in front of Rogue. I never swear in front of the students (better to perpetrate The Legend Of The Tight-ass, my dear). I staunchly refused to explain myself.

Rogue turned her back on Logan and stared up at me with eyes pleading for my understanding and discretion. "Logan's been helping me train too."

For her sake, I kept the expletives flying through my mind to myself. I knew that I had to leave before I did something rash. "I see. Same time tomorrow, Rogue?"

She nodded, and I stalked out without sparing Logan even the slightest glance. It was the only way I could force myself to leave her alone with him after learning what I had.

I went directly to Jean. I had to talk to her before I did something that would hurt everyone. As she always does, Jean calmed me down when I didn't think it was even in the realm of possibilities. She made me realize that the situation was out of my control and that I wouldn't help anybody by obsessing over it. I knew she was right, but "hope for the best while expecting the worst" isn't the most comforting philosophy ever composed.

Once I knew what was happening with Rogue, I kept a close eye on her. And I noticed that I wasn't the only one watching. Logan was watching, too. More intently than I'd realized before I stopped being worried about myself and started worrying about Rogue. At times, I could have sworn that I saw something in Logan's eyes that went beyond simple friendship. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that his lingering stare held a gleam of protectiveness that bordered on possession. I decided that I was reading more into it than was there. What I thought I was seeing didn't make any sense. Well, back then it didn't.

My sessions with Rogue evolved. We spent as much time talking as we did actual training. I got the feeling that she needed the conversations as much as the workout. And with Logan training her as well, I didn't think it was necessary to work the full hour. She told me about her dates with Peter, and I encouraged her about the possibilities. I wasn't about to tell her how to feel, but I could still want better for her than pining over Logan. She's too young to become set on believing that love has to be inextricably combined with pain.

She talked about Logan as well, though not very often. But when she did, I had to struggle to keep myself in check. To advise without dictating, to listen without judging. I tried to be a friend rather than a commander, but it wasn't easy. Seeing how much she was hurting was hard to take. And since Logan was the one causing her pain, I found myself becoming furious at him for completely different reasons. So I still sparred with him occasionally, when it became impossible to hold back my anger without releasing some of it. But for the most part, I did my best to ignore Logan.

Then last week, something happened that I just couldn't ignore.

Rogue and I finished our session early. It was one of those nights where she needed to talk about Logan. So I listened and silently raged and made sure we were finished soon enough that I wouldn't run into him while leaving the gym. I'd found it was better for my state of mind to not see Logan after those talks. I had caught myself wanting to confront him more than once, and that could cause nothing but more grief. While I had few qualms about causing Logan to suffer, I refused to do it at Rogue's expense.

I was already in the hallway on the residence floor when I remembered that I'd left my bag down in the gym. Normally I would have waited to retrieve it, but it contained some tests I needed to grade for class. I did a mental check on my anger status and decided I was calm enough to see Logan for a few minutes without blowing my top.

I went back down to the lower level and headed for the gym. When I opened the door, neither one of them noticed me. I must admit that I'd been curious as to what exactly Logan was teaching Rogue, so I stayed silent and watched.

She was punching and he was blocking. She swung a roundhouse kick towards his jaw. Logan caught her foot and shoved her backwards. She landed and rolled back to her feet in one fluid motion that left her in a crouch with hands extended. They circled each other as she searched for an opening.

The animalistic intensity of it surprised me. Not on Logan's part, of course, but on Rogue's. This was not a standard issue training session. This was two steps away from full-out aggression. They were both so focused on the struggle that it was like no one else existed.

They were still circling. Rogue's fingers twitched slightly, and light glinted dangerously in her eyes. Logan unexpectedly swiped a leg at Rogue's in an attempt to drop her. She jumped back quickly to evade, then advanced just as rapidly while he was still off center. It was a very good tactic.

It didn’t work. Logan dodged the fisted hand she'd aimed at his sternum, grabbed it, and spun her around with it. He positioned himself behind her back and pulled her against him, his other arm snaking quickly around the front of her shoulder, fist planted next to her throat. She was effectively helpless in that position, one arm pulled painfully behind her back, the other trapped against her side by Logan's arm.

"What was your mistake?" Logan rumbled next to her ear.

Rogue's chest was heaving with exertion. "Wrong strike," she replied analytically between panting breaths.

"What should you have done instead?"

Rogue struggled against the hold, but Logan didn’t budge. I guessed that it was part of their routine to keep the pretense of the fight through the analysis. "Blow to the temple to stun while your head was turned, then the kill strike to the chest."

"So why didn't you do that instead of ending up like this?"

"Didn't think. Went for the quickest kill rather than the most effective one. Underestimated the opponent. It won't happen again."

And I knew it wouldn't, the same as Logan apparently did, given his small nod and affirmative grunt. Rogue was relatively new to fighting, but she was a fast learner and had excellent muscle memory. I'd never seen her make the same error twice.

I was about to make my presence known when the mood between them suddenly shifted. Rogue stopped trying to break the hold. Her eyelids drifted shut as her breath caught. Her head fell back slightly, hair swinging to the side. I could see a potent combination of pain and desire on her face. And when I looked at Logan...

A similar expression was on his face.

I was dumbfounded. Then I had a revelation that sent my blood pressure skyrocketing.

I had to put a stop to it. I pushed the gym door back behind me like I'd just opened it. I purposely had my head turned toward the location of my bag in the corner of the room, but I saw the flurry of motion in my peripheral vision as the two of them separated. "Sorry to interrupt. I forgot my bag."

I picked up the straps and turned my eyes in their direction. "Rogue, can you give us a minute? There's something I need to discuss with Logan."

She gave a quick nod. "Sure." Her eyes shot over to Logan. "Do you want to pick up later or just quit for the night?"

Logan was staring at me while he answered her. "Let's call it a night. I think this might take a while, huh Summers?"

I wasn't intimidated by his tone of voice or his glare. I probably would have been if I wasn't so pissed off myself. "That depends."

Rogue looked from one to the other of us like she wasn't sure that it was safe to leave us alone without a referee. I had the idle thought that all women must instinctively know how to make that expression. I'd seen it on Jean's face more than once.

Rogue must have convinced herself there would be no bloodshed (well, no more than an average hockey game would produce) because she left. A few seconds after the door shut behind her, Logan growled, "What was with the little charade with the door? You were standing there a long time before that."

"I did it for Rogue's benefit, not yours," I replied tersely.

"You really gotta get a grip, Scooter. She doesn't need you to protect her. She can take care of herself."

"In most cases, I agree with you. But who's going to protect Rogue from you?"

He snarled and advanced on me. "I'd never do anything to hurt her."

I was so angry I almost blurted out that he already was hurting her, and he could hurt her even worse if he wasn't careful. By some miracle, I managed to keep my voice sounding detached rather than accusatory. "I saw the way you were looking at her, Logan. What I don't know is why. Is she just another nicely curved body to admire? Or does she mean something to you?"

And as Logan stared at me in the tense silence that echoed between us, I wasn't sure of what answer I wanted to hear. One part of me was praying that he didn’t care for her, that what I had seen was just Logan reacting instinctively to holding a beautiful woman in his arms. But it was a small part, and not a very loud one. Despite the fact that I didn't like Logan (you must admit I have good reasons) and didn’t think he was anywhere near good enough for Rogue, I wanted her to be happy. I knew that having Logan was probably the thing she wanted most in her life. And she might be the one person capable of humanizing the Wolverine.

So, against my will (and most assuredly against my better judgment) I found myself hoping he'd say that he cared.

Logan moved forward and stood toe to toe with me. His eyes bored into mine as his voice lowered to a deadly, calm whisper. "It's none of your fuckin' business how I feel or what I do. I don't answer to you, bub. If you wanna keep breathin', you'll remember that."

He stalked around me and left. I stood there for a while before I went back upstairs to grade papers. And before you ask, yes, I was intimidated. You would have been, too.

I now find myself in the rather awkward position of trying to keep an eye on Rogue without letting her know why I'm more worried about her than before. I'm also walking a tightrope with Logan. It's obvious that he wants Rogue. What's not so clear is whether he has feelings for her that run deeper than friendship.

If this is just a case of Logan wanting someone who seems unattainable, I can only hope that he has enough restraint to stay away from Rogue. Although I haven't known him very long, I get the feeling that Logan doesn't have much experience with denying himself what he wants. And if he doesn't hold himself back, I don't want to think about what will happen to Rogue. I know her well enough now to realize that, while she wants him too, having only part of Logan would be worse than having none of him at all. If it's not everything, it will never be enough.

This whole situation has become untenable. Sooner or later, something's got to give.

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