Between the Lines

(Part 2 in Jenn's "Not Unspoken" series)

Dedication: To Jenn, for making me obsess and like it <g>.

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Out in the dark, sitting on the rough boards that composed the floating dock, Jean closed her eyes and listened. The gentle slap of the water against the barrels suspending the dock above the lake, the chirp of crickets, the deep-throated calls of the bullfrogs -- these were the only things she heard. Hard sought and deeply beloved quiet seeped into her, no foreign thoughts pressing into hers to confuse or muddle the voice of her own mind. Peace. So much space here to get away from people and have her mind to herself, if only for a short time. It was one of the reasons she so desperately loved this place already after only a few short days being here.

It wasn't the only reason, and it wasn't the most alluring by a far stretch of the imagination.

Jean knew that Professor Xavier was likely her one chance at regaining a normal existence. He was already teaching her how to focus and shield her mind from the barrage of images constantly threatening to drown her if she wasn't careful. She was certainly doing better -- just a week ago, the idea of being in a house with so many other people would have incapacitated Jean with fear and pushed her to the brink. Wasn't that the reason she'd lost her ability to live normally in the first place, the reason she'd been hiding in the wilderness and near death from starvation when Logan had found her in Canada? Only Logan's ability to shield his own thoughts from her had allowed her to trust enough to go with him, to believe he would keep her safe from others until she could stand on her own again.

But that wasn't an issue here. The Professor had made it possible for Jean to stay, shielding her mind for her until she was capable of handling it herself. She was getting stronger every day, relearning how to cope in civilization. Other than being in Logan's presence alone, the school was the only place she'd felt safe in a very long time. Soon, she would be able to leave whenever she wanted.

Being brutally honest with herself, Jean admitted that she didn't want to leave, and her feelings of peace and safety were not the main motivation.

Jean had never been one to buy the concept of love at first sight. To her, it was a silly notion that was believed by women who read romance novels in their spare time rather than scientific journals. She'd always assumed that when she fell in love, it would be logical and progress from a base of friendship.

If that were true, however, she would be in love with Logan, and she wouldn't be in the mess she was in right now. She wouldn't be alone on a dock in the middle of the night, picking paint chips off a board and trying to figure out how her life became so complicated in the blink of an eye. She wouldn't desperately need time away from the mansion so she could indulge in thoughts that she was ashamed to let Professor Xavier see.

Her mind had rebelled against her with the sudden activation of her latent telepathy. Fair enough. But if she couldn't control her mind anymore, wasn't it only fair that she be given dominion over her heart in exchange?

"Are you all right?"

Jean jumped at the completely unexpected question spoken from behind her. At first, she thought she might have imagined it, conjuring an aural hallucination from her thoughts about the owner of that voice. A turn of her head to look over her shoulder told her, no, she hadn't imagined it.

Scott was standing on the shoreline, looking over at her.

Was the shielding becoming second nature to her already? She hadn't felt any presence inside her head other than her own. Jean thought back to see if she'd been focusing, even though she knew that she hadn't been. What reason would she have had to do so, out here, alone in the dark?

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," came next. Spoken softly, as if he was afraid she might jump off the dock and swim away from him.

Jean half turned to sit sideways on the dock so she could look at him without straining her neck. "It's okay. I just didn't hear you. You know, up here," she said with a tap against her temple.

A slight smile and a nod. "The Professor taught me some basic shielding when I arrived here. He did so with all of us. Makes it easier on him if he doesn't have to do all the work. I was using it to... I guess I should have made some mental noise."

*That* was an interesting tidbit Jean hadn't heard before. She'd wondered why the mental voices in the mansion were muffled even when the Professor wasn't around to shield her. "I see. So... what are you doing out here? Trying to track down a student breaking curfew?"

A quick grin at her question that disappeared as he shook his head. "No. I saw you leaving the house and followed you."

A shiver that had nothing to do with the cool night air ran over Jean's skin and settled in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't caused by the words themselves, but by the way in which they were spoken.

It was the same feeling she'd had the first time she saw him -- in the study at the mansion, steeling herself not to cower against Logan's side. Scott had walked in, purposeful, confident, then hesitating ever so slightly when he'd seen her. The polite smile that hadn't quite masked the fact that he'd felt the same thing she had -- that shock of inexplicable, soul-deep recognition of someone she'd never met before. His hand clasping hers in a way that shouldn't have felt sensual, and wouldn't have with anyone else, but did.

Back then, she had tried to reason it away. Scott was a very attractive man, and it had been a long time since she'd been around anyone other than Logan, who was too much in the role of protector for Jean to see him as more than a friend. But her scientific mind couldn't explain it away as lust or infatuation. On an instinctual level, she knew Scott in a way that had nothing to do with body chemistry. When they released each other's hands, she felt like she'd given him a part of herself and was keeping part of him in return. The most surprising thing was the sensation hadn't made her feel trapped. It had made her feel safe.

Jean found her voice, forced herself to break the silence that hung in the night air between them. "Why did you follow me?" She knew she shouldn't have asked. Tempting fate, and she hadn't realized before that she was capable of that type of recklessness.

He shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure you were safe."

Safe. She felt safe here, something she'd learned the hard way not to take as a given. More than that, she felt safe with Scott, even more so than she did with Logan, and that said something. There was something about the calm security Scott wore naturally in his mantle of leadership. It was a stability she craved, something she used to have herself that she missed but had never imagined she would seek in another person.

She shook off the thought and replied, "Why? Is it dangerous out here?"

Scott looked around as if scanning the near silent darkness for unseen threats. "Ever since Mystique managed to get past security, I don't like taking any chances. And then there's the lake creature, but you shouldn't worry about him yet. I'm sure he's still digesting those two fishermen from last week."

After a brief hesitation, a surprised peal of laughter escaped Jean. Scott had an uncanny knack for saying outrageous things with a completely straight face that made you believe him for a moment before reality set in. She was certain she wasn't the only one he'd caught off guard in that manner. His poker face and the glasses probably let him get away with a lot of practical jokes.

Jean found herself wondering if Scott's eyes twinkled with mischief behind those lenses when he pulled one over on his unsuspecting victims.

Scott gestured to the plank connecting the dock to the shore and asked, "May I join you?"

Jean nodded. "Please do." She immediately berated herself for the inappropriately flirtatious tone of voice. Sometimes when she was with him, it was hard to remember that she didn't have the right to speak to him in that way. It felt so natural that it was hard to fight it.

She had been fighting it, though. She'd been fighting for everything she was worth ever since she saw the ring on Rogue's finger and found out that Scott was the one who'd put it there. She'd fought it when she'd found herself alone with him that first time after she'd discovered the engagement. She'd had to remind herself that he hadn't betrayed her, even though that was how she'd felt.

The dock swayed slightly as Scott crossed the plank and made his way toward the end where Jean sat. She found herself wondering about Rogue. The younger woman had been so friendly and helpful when Jean had first arrived at the mansion. Now, there was a cold, flat glare where the welcoming smile used to be. She didn't blame Rogue, though the sudden change had surprised her until she'd thought of what Rogue must have picked up from her touch with Logan. Jean knew that Logan had seen her reaction to Scott. Nothing much got past him, and he had clearly passed his realization on to Rogue.

So again, she didn't blame Rogue, but she couldn't help feeling a little resentment toward her in return. It was hard not to envy the person who had the one thing she wanted more than anything else in life.

Scott reached her side and crouched next to her, balancing on the balls of his feet and resting his forearms on his bent knees. He looked out at the water rather than at her when he spoke. "Have you decided what you're going to do?"

Jean didn't need him to clarify. She knew he was asking if she'd decided to stay at the mansion permanently or not. If things were different, she could have answered yes without hesitation. But things were the way they were, and Jean hadn't decided if she could live with being so near Scott and not having him. "Not yet. It depends on how quickly I can learn to make the shielding second nature the way the Professor does. Once I do that, I'll worry about the rest."

Scott turned his head, and Jean found herself staring at the reflective lenses and wishing she could see what was in his eyes when he looked at her. "I don't want you to go." Jean could swear her heart stopped beating in the second he paused before turning his face away and continuing. "You're needed here."

Underneath the words, their meaning hovered temptingly. */ I need you here /*

God... didn't he know she wanted that as badly as he did? But how could she stay? Scott was engaged to another woman. Jean knew she couldn't have him, but that didn't make her want him any less. She had to believe that distance would make a difference, that if she learned enough control to be free in the world again, she could leave here and let the connection she felt to Scott fade from her memory.

When she didn't answer after a long pause, Scott spoke again. "Some of the students have special medical needs. Having a doctor living here who understood that would make their lives much easier."

Hello, guilt. Haven't seen you in a long time. Not since running into Rogue earlier and feeling that cold anger yet again. A whole forty minute absence. Welcome back.

Jean turned her head and stared at him. "Emotional blackmail? I think that's a bit beneath you, Scott."

He didn't look at all repentant. He shrugged and took a seat on the boards next to her. "I can be ruthless when it comes to getting something I want..." That hovered dangerously in the air between them before he quickly clarified. "For the kids."

Jean nodded, deciding to let it slide. She had other things to keep her occupied at the moment, such as the extremely small distance between her hand and the muscular length of Scott's thigh. If she twitched her little finger to the side, she could touch him without moving her hand from where it rested next to her hip on the dock.

She wouldn't move, though, and she knew Scott wouldn't either. They'd been obsessively cautious about touching one another ever since that first handshake. The only exception had come during the long hours after they brought Logan down off the statue. Worried for the only friend she'd had after a long time of being alone, Jean had paced the lab endlessly, frantically watching for a sign of recovery from Logan. Scott had finally calmed her by pulling her into his arms and rubbing comforting hands along the length of her back.

Jean could use a little more than comforting at the moment.

"How are things going? Are you and the Professor making progress with your shielding?"

Jean stared out across the water at the tree line. "It's going well, and not just the shielding. The Professor has been working with me on leaning to focus my telepathy and actively read minds."

"So, read my mind."

Jean's eyes snapped back to his face in shock. She'd gotten the distinct impression that Scott wasn't the type to voluntarily share his private thoughts. The strength of his shielding around her was proof of his general desire for privacy. Jean shook her head. "I'd rather not."

He smiled at her encouragingly. "I don't mind playing guinea pig, honestly."

Jean felt an intense urge to take him up on the offer and pushed it down. This was *not* appropriate in more ways than she could count. "I... I really shouldn't. I've only tried it the one time. I'll be clumsy, and-"

"I trust you," Scott interrupted with calm assurance.

The certainty in his tone quieted Jean's reservations, though it didn't completely silence her conscience. She slowly raised her hands to hover in the air near the sides of his face. "Okay. Try to relax."

Jean's eyes slowly drifted shut. She mentally reached out, felt the shuddering of her control and clamped down on it, determined to do this correctly. It didn't take long to find what she had been looking for, and the memory coalesced in front of her -- standing in front of a dressing table with his mother behind him, trying to be a good boy and not fidget in his new suit for Easter Sunday. Sunlight washing through the open window, a spring breeze fluttering the white curtains like a cat toying with a mouse. The smell of lilac perfume surrounding him as she reached over his shoulder to show him how to knot the tie and he studied the motions reflected in the glass.

His eyes were blue.

Jean smiled at the image even as it faded, slowly being replaced by another one. She saw her own face, lips tilted up and eyes closed, the moonlight reflecting off her skin.

All of it seen through shades of red.

She couldn't see his eyes now, but she felt them, knew they were traveling along the arch of her brow, the curve of her cheek, the line of her jaw. Felt it all in her mind with an intensity that snapped her eyes open in shock. She realized the mistake of that too late, because although his eyes were shielded, hers were not. She knew he would see her staring, eyes drawn irresistibly to his lips, the hunger in her gaze laid bare by the bright moonlight.

He didn't touch her, didn't move toward her, just spoke two words with a fervor that made her breath catch.

"Trust me."

Her eyes drifted closed and the mental touch returned. In her mind, he caressed her face with his hands. Feather light touches brushed across her cheek, under her chin, coming up to skate across her lips. Each image and thought was perfectly ordered, just like he was. Jean's heart pounded wildly as Scott showed her what he wanted to do to her, how he would do it.

He showed her how he wished he were free to do it.

He poured it into her -- How much his feelings for her had shocked him and how hard he had fought to keep them back. How his guilt and genuine love for Rogue struggled every day against the certainty that he belonged with Jean instead. His control was on the edge of breaking, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep a grip on it, wasn't even sure he wanted to fight for it anymore.

Jean felt Scott's shields fall back in place and had to stop herself from asking him to let her back in. Her eyelids drifted up to meet the reflective red of his glasses, and suddenly, she knew. She knew that this was something only she could give him, that connection he couldn't fully have with any other woman because the red lenses got in the way.

She could see into his soul without seeing his eyes.

"Why?" she asked, her voice catching slightly on the word.

"Because you needed to know, and I couldn't find the words to tell you."

Jean turned her eyes away from him. She couldn't look at his face one more second and resist the urge to throw herself into his arms and tell him that wrong and right didn't matter anymore. They did still matter, not just to her, but to him as well. The space between them had to be maintained.

Without another word, he got to his feet. He stared down at her for a long moment before turning away.

She knew she should keep her eyes trained on the water or the stars. She knew she should do anything except what she did instead.

Jean turned so she could watch him walk away. As Scott's purposeful strides took him back to the house and away from her, toward his responsibility and away from his temptation, Jean felt a tear slip down her cheek and she knew the truth.

She couldn't go. Even if she walked away, a part of her would always be left behind with him.

Leaving wouldn't change a thing.

~*~ The End ~*~

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